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Hi Tim:

Tim asks: "There are some exellent processes for integrating feelings here, but what about those who simply say they 'can't feel their feelings'. How do you get people over that resistance?"

Tim this is an important question because there's folks out there struggling with dissociation (the inability to feel). Often this challenge is due to coming from families where feeling feelings were never modeled. In some instances folks suffer from traumas and dwell in their thoughts away from their feelings and their bodies.

For folks who stuggle with feeling feelings they need to spend some time just becoming aware of their bodies and its sensations. Sometimes this will take patient time.
Perhaps someone can start off with a body scan where they begin at their head and scan down their body noting any sensations, lack of sensations (They count too), and feelings they experience. Perhaps feelings and sensations will be fleeting at first. This is okay. Someone will need to bring their attention back to their body (Maybe over and over at first until the unconscious begins to trust scanning, sensing, and feelings. Often newbies to feeling will experience frustration (Beautiful). Frustration counts--it's an emotion not to be overlooked.
Or they may feel "blankness" or "numbness" or "nothing there". These supposed lack of sensations are really sensations and count. Frustration and these alleged lack of sensations are gateway emotions and sensations the first ones dissociated folks feel. Someone might say: "Oh I try and I try to feel, but NOTHING happens."
"What do you sense in your body about that?"
"FRUSTRATED!!"
"Good then you are feeling frustrated. It counts."

Frequently folks with dissociation discount numbness, blankness, nothing there. When they learn these are really sensations too, they begin to realize they have the capacity to feel.

Sometimes folks who are deeply into the thinking side of awareness will need to touch their own bodies to find their first sensations (The sensation of being touched).

Before I go further with this I should mention that folks who are very dissociated and wary of going to their bodies might hook up with a therapist versed in guiding people through body awareness and feelings. Some mindfulness teachers are very helpful in leading folks to get in contact with their bodies.

Most folks who suffer less profound forms of dissociation can learn how to feel by spending time practicing body and feeling awareness and recognizing that all sensations, feelings, and emotions count as feeling.

If someone has a trauma it might be a good idea to have a trusted friend sitting nearby when first exploring sensations and feelings.

Taking an attitude that we can fully feel our feelings and allow them to be there with no intention of getting rid of them or grasping them may help. Learning to greet all feelings with acceptance and a non-judging attitude will help in feeling them. No pushing for them to go away.

A semi-relaxed body can open us to our feelings. Relaxing our tongue combined with left nasal dominance breathing may reduce thinking which takes us away from our bodies.

If feelings seem to overwhelm us at first we can breathe into them or in very overwhelming circumstances we can suck in our lips and cheeks, bite gently on our tongues and rapidly rub our palms and fingers together. This will short-circuit our flight/fight overwhelm.

In time we can welcome and experience appreciation toward our feelings. When we begin to tune into a feeling and really allow ourselves to feel, say hello or hi to our feeling. This greeting both acknowledges our feeling and undercuts resistance to it. Recognizing what good service our feelings perform will also undercut resistance. Our feelings always perform the valuable task of giving us feedback about ourself, others, and our situation. Feelings let us know how we feel about something and what to do. Feelings also perform many other valuable services as well.

Commune with feelings through intuition or asking our heartbeat area what valuable and good things our feelings do. By giving heartfelt gratitude or thanks to our feelings, we further remove aversion to our feelings. In short greet our feelings, see what good things they do, and sincerely thank them for their services. Done with sincerity these three gestures will help us integrate our aversion to our feelings.

Newbies to their feelings can experience feelings in different ways:

(1) Intensify them or exagerate them.
(2) Tune into them and allow them to migrate to other areas of your body. Then allow them to return.
(3) Notice the opposite feelings of the feelings you're having. Shift back and forth between these polarities several times. What do you notice?
(4) Observe how talking about your feelings is not the same as fully feeling them. It abstracts them and can be a form of resistance to feeling. This may shock some folks. Feel a feeling, then talk about it. What do you notice about the difference between feeling a feeling and talking about a feeling?
(5) Notice the size and shape of a feeling. Notice its outline. Notice its location. Notice its surrounding space. What did you experience?
(6)Are there feelings beneath your feelings? Pay full attention to your feeling. Ask if there is a feeling beneath that feeling. Wait and see if something appears. Keep letting feelings appear if they suddenly pop up into awareness. Go until you hit a wall or no more feelings appear. Then wait for a felt sense to emerge and fully feel it. (The felt sense is the overall sense of a problem or feeling.)
(7) Allow yourself to fully feel your feelings. If some seem overwhelming and intense, that's okay. The longer you feel them with no intention of getting rid of them or keeping them, the less intense they will be. You can also get an outside perspective on them by simply labeling them "those sensations".

Always keep breathing during feeling awareness sessions. This helps in feeling feelings.

If thoughts intrude--that's okay. Simply say: "thought" and bring your attention gently back to your feeling.

As you get more tuned into feeling a feeling you will notice the separation between yourself and the feeling. This separation is subtle. This energy blur is not quite you. Pay attention to this separation and feel it.

Feelings have beginings, middles, and ends. Feelings arise and pass away.

Sometimes we may experience two or more feelings at the same time. Feel both at once or naturally let yourself gravitate to the one you find most interesting. You'll experience a pull.

Keep somewhat warm during feeling sessions. This helps feeling. Hot tubs can help the dissociated feel.

A common block to feeling is simple performance anxiety. Here we wonder if we're doing it right. Or do we have a feeling? This is okay. Whatever is there for you in your body is a sense or a feeling. They work.

Never rush or push feelings. Allow. Permit. Relax.

Take care, Steve