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Hi Aimee:

Aimee asks: "How can you tell if someone is capable of sustaining a love relationship? Are there tell-tale qualities that must be present?"

Aimee the tell-tale qualities for folks capable of sustaining a love relationship are these:

*The person has self and other acceptance. Individuals who have a tough battle accepting themselves and others have major difficulty in keeping long-term relationships going.

*The person keeps commitments and promises. An inability to do so is a death knell for long-term relationships.

*They are honest and not deceptive. A dishonest person sews a lot mistrust and distance.

*They have good frustration tolerance. Persons with poor frustration tolerance make poor mates.

*They are not depressed. Depressed persons have major challenges sustaining and enjoying relations with others. They tend to recall what was bad and focus on the negative.

*They are direct and avoid third parties and negative support systems. Folks complaining to a negative support systems often make problems appear insoluable and partners seem pathological and unchangeable.

*They focus on what works or could work. They look for solutions to problems rather than blame or complain.

*They are attentive and good listeners.

*They can share thoughts and feelings easily.

*They don't avoid their emotions. Individuals who avoid their emotions are beset with emotional challenges.

*They are assertive rather than aggressive and indirect.

*They take responsibility for their behaviors and feelings.

*They tend to think undistortedly.


Take care, Steve