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Hi Haljer678:

Haljer678 asks: "What can be done for ambivalence? Like being divided about a self-defeating behavior?"

Haljer678 a number of approaches can be very helpful for being ambivalent or divided about a self-defeating behavior. Very often folks will hold opposite views about a behavior that's creating trouble in their lives. It's helpful to bring these views to awareness and to notice the potential rewards a behavior gives us. Example: George is a compulsive gambler. One part of him (His beliefs and values) loathes his gambling and sees it as wasting his money and trapping him. Yet another part of him loves gambling's excitement, the endorphin rollercoaster, and the comraderie of his gambling buddies at the track. He enjoys the occaisional wins and the handicapping. Outside of his awareness he's rewarded by the compulsive activity's blocking his
anxiety, down feelings, self-loathing, guilt, and overwhelm.

What helps folks with ambivalence about a self-defeating behavior is to make a complete inventory of their positive and negative views about a behavior.
They also need to notice the rewards a self-defeating behavior is providing. After the inventory of their ambivalent views is created, they need to check out these beliefs with the Self-defeating Beliefs Test. (Posted at the bottom of this reply). If they see the behavior is clearly self-defeating, then they ought to check out the rewards the self-defeating behavior is giving. Can alternative helpful behaviors be found to replace the self-defeating behaviors? Can they be equally or more rewarding? In the case of gambling can someone find other kinds of excitement and absorption without paying gambling's price? Can someone find comraderie elsewhere? Can they overcome the compulsive need to avoid feelings and instead either integrate or desensitize the feelings they previously avoided?

Especially helpful with ambivalence about self-defeating behavior are the following methods:

*Behavioral Repatterners. Repatterning processes like the Pattern Tree and the Habit Cracker can be helpful in unearthing self-defeating patterns of behavior and our surrounding beliefs, intentions, and emotions. Repatterners can help us create replacement behaviors.

*Integrators and exposure-desensitization methods can help us integrate and desensitize the emotions compulsive self-defeating behaviors cover over.

*The Self-Defeating Beliefs Test can help us bring self-defeating beliefs and behavior to awareness.

* Tips on Finding Distorted Thinking can help us notice and challenge distorted thinking that may fuel self-defeating behavior.

SELF-DEFEATING BELIEFS TEST.

TEST YOUR BELIEFS FOR HOW THEY MIGHT FIT INTO YOUR LIFE AND TO SEE IF THEY MIGHT BE SELF-DEFEATING:

Test your beliefs with these questions:

*Will this belief fit with my deepest values and yearnings?
*Will this belief interfere with my personal relationships and family life?
*Will this belief provide the emotions I prefer?
*Will this belief support my short-term & long-term goals, my enlightened self-interest?
*Will this belief give me something I don't want?
*Will I be required to balance elements in my life owing to having this belief?
*Does it improve my life or my ability to perform?
*Does it keep me out of significant conflict with others? (unless the conflict is something I prefer).
*Does it effect either my physical or mental health?
*Could another belief work better for me?
*Will this belief effect my behavior adversly?
*Is the belief right for the context where it's employed?
*Are there future consequences for holding this belief?
*What might make it difficult to believe this in some instances?



Take care, Steve